I Disappeared. Perhaps I’ll Return Soon?

Hello, wonderful people! It’s me, Alex, or Alexie, or Al, or whatever you want to call me. I’ve been gone from this blog, and the anime scene for a long time. Not as long as some people, but that’s beside the point. Anyway, I hope you’re all doing well. (Note: There won’t be any pictures in this post…I’m too lazy to add them, but I hope you’ll still read the entire post)

So, what have I been up to? Well, that’s a long story, but I’ll do my best to explain. I looked through my posts and realized in late-April 2020 I said I was back because I’d bought a new laptop. That, obviously, did not materialize into much of anything for this blog. It is now January 10, 2021 and I’ve posted a total of five times on this blog–one of those being about a mental health blog that I have since been too annoyed with to post on.

There are a couple reasons for the non-materialization of posts: 1) I had health problems in May; 2) the Covid stuff ran rampant in the United States throughout 2020 because…well, let’s not get super political here. If you’ve seen anything about the United States, you have an idea; 3) I honestly forgot I had this blog for a while despite getting updates on my phone of people posting on their blogs; 4) my dad had some news last year and I’ve had to help him since November. Let’s get into these little (or big) topics shall we?

1. My Health Problems:
   • So, as you may have read way back last year, and may have seen on Twitter (I’m pretty active there concerning my life,) or whatever I had health anomalies. In March 2020, I actually had every known symptom of Covid-19 that the United States took into account aside from loss of taste and smell. That was honestly horrible. This was before everything started getting insane here–the cases were small in number–but I had a constant fever of 102 degrees Fahrenheit (~39 Celsius); I was shaking constantly; my limbs were sore without physical exertion; I had a dry cough that wouldn’t disappear; my chest hurt and I had constant headaches despite taking meds to cure them. Yeah, it was not fun. At that time, I was told I couldn’t work for three weeks–and they didn’t pay me. So, that was an annoying time.
   • On August 5th, 2020, I had arrived at work at my usual time (5:45am) and was ready to start my day. At 8:30am, I began to sweat, my ears began ringing, I couldn’t breathe, and I collapsed at my work station. I was taken to the hospital and they didn’t give me any solid information. I couldn’t, however, return to work until doctors cleared me to return. They decided I needed to have some tests done, but with the Covid-19 pandemic beginning to run rampant in the United States at this time, getting into the hospital was difficult. I went to three doctors, all of whom could not figure out what was wrong with me. The doctors continued to tell me I could go to work, but when I would go in, I would be short of breath, sweaty, lose my vision, and become light-headed. My workplace decided to put me on a leave-of-absence. At this point, my workplace wouldn’t even let me come in even when I showed up to work. They’d send me home. That’s where things got interesting.
     • I ended up seeing a cardiologist in late-October, and within thirty seconds of seeing me he said, “Your blood pressure is dropping and that’s causing you to pass out because not enough oxygen is getting to your brain.” I’m not even kidding. I asked how he figured that out, and he said my fingers and frame gave me away. Apparently it’s a common issue for someone who is tall and thin. I was put on blood pressure medication and could finally get back to work! Well, no, no I couldn’t.
     • Despite collapsing at my workplace, being put on corporate leave-of-absence, the company needed me to get a note from the doctor saying I couldn’t work from August/September-October. All of the time I missed between those months was counted against me and  I was terminated from my position. After collapsing at the workplace. After the nurses at the workplace knew what happened. After my higher-ups had known I had health issues and had to go from hospital to hospital. They themselves couldn’t consider my leave-of-absence valid because I didn’t have a doctor’s note saying it was true. So, I lost my job the first week of November. That was amazing. I’m still out there looking for a new one…
2. The Covid-19 Pandemic
   • Honestly, when the Covid-19 virus started to get bad here in the United States, I was terrified. I’d known what it felt like to have all the known symptoms of the virus in it’s early time here, which was not fun, but as it  worsened, I was terrified for my dad. He had no immune system, he had no working kidneys. I knew I couldn’t do much of anything because I needed to keep him as healthy as possible. He is, as of early December 2020, 61 years old. Without any working kidneys, the thought of getting Covid-19, or coming into contact with someone who had/has Covid-19 had been terrifying. So, I stayed home watching TV, writing a novel (which is still happening and coming along quite well?) and doing everything possible to not contract the virus for fear of infecting my dad. With the news continually talking about how many people have contracted the virus and how many people are dying from it, and how we’ve failed to contain it, it took a toll on my mental health. It’s not gone, but hopefully we’re getting to a point where the vaccines are administered and working and we can eventually put this behind us…
3. My Dad
   • Like I said in the above section, my dad had no working kidneys. He’d been on dialysis for five years, and in early November 2020, he was finally told, “we have a kidney for you.” Now, it was actually extremely lucky. Someone came in, seemingly at random honestly, and said, “I have a kidney if anyone needs one.” Now, my dad had never agreed to be on the living donor list, so after being on a list for a kidney for five years, he was supposed to get a kidney from someone who had passed away. However, because of being on the list for so long, he was at the top. It was his turn. The University of Michigan (one of the best medical schools I have ever known) was in constant contact with him, and he and them agreed that he’d take this kidney. However, there was still a massive amount of fear between my dad, my brother, and me because since I’ve been alive he has had two kidney transplants. This would be his fourth overall.
     • I was terrified. I was. I’d never experienced as much fear for someone as I had in early November. My brother was at the University of Michigan while my dad was getting the transplant done, and I was sitting at home trying to sleep and failing. We were told it would take anywhere from 3-4 hours. Now, to explain why I was so terrified, the complications of a kidney transplant can transpire as such: heart attack, stroke, kidney not being accepted and turning pink once transplanted. On my dad’s third transplant he should have been pronounced dead twice. He had a stroke, his heart stopped, and a whole slew of things. So, going into the fourth transplant, we were all rightfully terrified. Six hours later I got a message from my brother. It was a picture of my dad smiling. He’d had a successful transplant!
       • However! However…despite the successful transplant, he’s had to go back to the University of Michigan every other week for check-ups on the medication he’s now on (which is a total cocktail of somewhere between 7-12 pills x3 per day) and the incision area has not healed completely. He has a hole in his abdomen that is healing extremely slowly from the bottom up, so I have to pack the hole with gauze and a saline solution and cover it with a pad twice a day. I’ve been doing that since late November.
     • So, with all that anxiety and the trips across my state to the university hospital every other week with him, I’ve been drained physically and mentally. It’s been rough, but that’s part of my life right now. Not having to work makes it easier to do this, but it’s snowballing and bothersome in general.
4. Forgetting About The Blog:
   • Take all of the above points and try to focus on having a blog to write random anime and manga things. I couldn’t do it. I just forgot about it despite getting updates on my phone about people posting on there blogs. I’d swipe the notifications away without reading them, and then go about my life–trying to find a job and taking care of my dad. I continued writing my novel and doing what I could to keep my dad healthy and packing that hole in his body, and trying to find a job. Yeah, it’s been a hell of a run the last few months. I just forgot I had this thing for a long time. I’ll do my best to post here, but I’m not going to promise anything.

So, that’s what I’ve been going through lately. It’s been a lot for me, but I’m dealing with it as best I can. My anxiety has been high, but I have some coping mechanisms that work for me and they’ve been put to good use. There were a few times where my anxiety got to me and I was completely destroyed, but I got through those bouts.

What about anime? Well, with the delay in most series, I have a ton that I’ll be watching (or hopefully watching) this season. I know there are people out there who will always watch more than me, but my list this season feels huge–especially since there was hardly anything to watch in recent seasons.

The List:

• Attack on Titan (super excited for this because I’m caught up on the manga)
• The Promised Neverland (also super excited for this because I read the manga)
• Slime!
• Re:Zero S2 pt 2
• Log Horizon
• Ex-Arm
• Urasekai Picnic
• Uma Musume Pretty Derby s2
• Quintuplets s2 (if I can stomach the art and animation, manga had me excited)
• Beastars
• Laid Back Camp s2
• Dr. Ramune Mysterious Disease Specialist
• Horimiya
• Sk8 the Infinity
• Cells at Work: Black (or whatever it is)

And that’s that! I have a decent list right now, which I find enjoyable. Hopefully I’ll keep most of these shows in the long run, but we’ll have to see in the coming weeks. What about you all? What are you watching? What do you think you’ll plan on watching in the long run? Has anything caught your eye and made you think “Oh, that looks like it could be good/interesting/enjoyable.” I’d love to know what you’re all looking forward to watching!

Thanks for reading!

Alexie 🙂